WYCM_Day5= Whatever You Can Muster
poem_WYCM_Day5_A= Disillusioned By Your Concept

MayFlower_April_Day5_1=
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{#E6E6FA}Today was beautiful.
...
You are beautiful.
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{#ffbf1c}...
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{#E6E6FA}The world is so much better with you.
{*}I{/*} am so much better with you.
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{#ffbf1c}...
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{#E6E6FA}You are comfort.
You are security.
You are my answer.
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{#ffbf1c}...
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{#E6E6FA}You are {*}holding{/*} me together.
Without you.
I {~}don't{/~} exist.
I couldn't.
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{#ffbf1c}...
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{#E6E6FA}I don't want to make things weird.
But I need to tell you.
...
I {*}love{/*} you.
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{#ffbf1c}...
May...
I don't think you get it.
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{#E6E6FA}...
No.
I've understood it the entire time.
I... just didn't want to accept it.
These feelings...
Any part of it.
And that makes it really difficult because I want all of it so bad.
And you're letting me have maybe more than I deserve...
Why isn't that enough?
...
I mean.
It... could be some kind of enough.
You were never going to be able to give me everything I need...
But you give me a lot and...
It doesn't really seem like its at any discomfort to you.
Is that selfish of me?
I just want to be loved.
...
But, you do love me!
Just... not like that.
I don't know why that can't be enough for me.
I just want to be me, with you.
And I mean fuck, most of the time I am.
Why does a label matter?
...
Why does that matter.
Honestly, I wish I could just tell you this.
And maybe I could, if I had to guess you legitimately wouldn't mind talking this over with me.
But I can't do that to you. You don't deserve that. I'm selfish enough.
It's my own puzzle to figure out... at least this part of it is.
Maybe I'm not selfish?
No, I think I am.
No... maybe not.
I don't think I'm selfish because I want to be loved.
But I think I'm selfish because of the way I try to feel loved.
But I don't know if I'm going to stop.
I'll hold your arm one more time.
I'll wait to feel your hand on hand head.
I'll wait to hear you say my name.
...
As my friend...?
This... intimacy? I know it doesn't have to be exclusive to a romantic relationship.
But it is so hard just to... understand that...
Even though I have everything to gain.
...
So. I'll say it again.
I {*}love{/*} you.
Thank you for letting me be myself around you.
I'm going to do my best for me first...
But thank you for letting me have something I thought I wouldn't have again for a long time.
Even... even if it's different than I could have ever expected.
...
I'll give it time and hope the feeling passes.
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Little steps.
Time to wake up, May.

MayFlower_April_Day5_Wake=
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...
I slept a bit better than I thought I would...

MayFlower_April_Day5_2=
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{#E6E6FA}...
I'll let tomorrow be a little bit brighter.

Mayflower_April_Day6_1=
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{#E6E6FA}May.
May May May May May.
...
Mayyyyyyy....
I love you May.
I love hearing your name.
Mayyyyy.
It's just so nice to finally hear it.
Even if not everyone says it.
I hear it enough.
And I am so happy.
May May May May
Mayyyyyyyyyyy!
Yes!
May!! Can you believe it?
Our nails! Our hair!
Sometimes I hear our voice...
And of course it won't change drastically.
But we believe it in our head. We're alive.
Looking in the mirror feels a little better.
But nothing physically changed.
Maybe it wont for a long time.
Maybe it wont ever.
But May.
Our name exists.
We are Alive.
And I am so happy to have this part of you.
...
May...
May...
I love you.